i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
