Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
