my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he thought i was a dude.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
