I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
