I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
