We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
