I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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