im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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