I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
