what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
