that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
