he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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