a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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