i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
