yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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