You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
