I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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