I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
