clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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