So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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