just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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