I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
