My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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