You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
