Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize