you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
