I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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