She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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