So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
