Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
