dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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