Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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