I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
