dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
