Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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