My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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