She is in my trunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
