i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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