can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
