Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
