I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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