I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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