he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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