So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize