Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
