I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
