wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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