Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
