He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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