Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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