Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
