My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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