I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Randomize