Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
