The maid of honor just puked.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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