my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize