I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
