just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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