we have officially lost it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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