he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
