Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I deserve this hangover.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
