The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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