I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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