we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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