You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
