Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
