its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
