i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
