I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dick very happy bro
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
