I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend