It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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