I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?