I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."