Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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