My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.