I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?