i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
