how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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