Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
