Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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