Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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