You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
