she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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