I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
