Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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