I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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