so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
