Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
