I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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