my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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