I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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