that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
